Why Increasing Curiosity in Your Relationship Leads to More Intimacy
- Do you know what your boyfriend was thinking about while he was eating lunch today? How he was feeling while he chewed on his sandwich?
- Do you know the guy who your wife talked to while she was at work today? And whether or not this was an important conversation to her? What they talked about?
- Do you know what it was like for your husband last night when he looked at porn while you were fast asleep?
- Do you know what your girlfriend really thinks about you? How you make you her feel?
Do you WANT to know the answers to these questions???
Thinking about all of this might feel threatening or perhaps exciting – maybe you don’t have much of a reaction at all. No matter what your reaction is, I’m going to make the argument that you SHOULD answer these types of questions in your relationship. But you should only do so if you explore them from a place of curiosity.
Remember when you first met your partner and you could not get enough of him? You wanted to explore every last piece of her skin. Time flew by because every story gave you more insight into this man you adored. Earlobes were fascinating, toes were fun, and you weren’t afraid to gaze into each other’s eyes. You wanted to know more and more and MORE!
This was curiosity, and it is one of the main factors that allows us to be drawn into relationships in the first place.
But where does it go? And is it possible to get it back?
There are two primary factors that lead to curiosity disappearing:
- We become used to each other and therefore there is simply less to know (at least this is what we think!)
- Being curious takes vulnerability and a willingness to openly understand your partner without judgment
Given these two factors, it is definitely possible to bring curiosity back into your romantic relationship. It first involves recognizing that there is a whole world of feelings, thoughts, and sensations going on with your lover that you have NO CLUE are there! In fact, this is something that you need to recognize not just as an individual, but as a couple. It is very common for us to assume that our partners should know what we are feeling or what we want just because we have been together for a long time. WRONG!!!
Once you have accepted that there are many things that you do not know about your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, you then need to learn how to ask questions and open yourself to understanding what is really important to your partner. This involves focusing on listening not with the intention of talking but hearing and understanding what he or she is really saying.
So why does curiosity matter? I’m going to return to your memories of when your relationship first began. As it did at that time, curiosity plays an essential role in helping couples feel close to each other. The more curious you are about your partner, the more you discover about him, the more intimate your relationship will be.