How to Take the Pressure Off Your Relationship and Connect Year Round

You walk into your bedroom and the lights are low, candles are are flickering gently all around the room, the space is clean and fresh and somehow smells AMAZING!!!!

Then you look over to the bed…… It’s covered in rose petals! And on your pillow – a neat little jewelry box (and somehow it is glowing – how did he do that???)

You are so excited that you turn around and jump into his arms, kissing him passionately. Little does he know that he’s also about to get a fantastic surprise with the lingerie number you’re secretly wearing! This sex is going to be the best ever!


Is this some romance novel? A Hallmark ad? Do you live your life like the movies???

No. We don’t live this way.

Then why do we keep trying to make Valentine’s Day like all these things? We have to stop!

There is nothing wrong with romance, but let’s get real. Our lives are about going to work, taking care of the kids, cooking meals, trying to stay healthy, and making it through every day.

But does this mean that you should give up, lose all hope for romance and passion? Absolutely not! We need to adjust our expectations – especially for Valentine’s Day. This holiday has gotten out of control! There’s this idea that if you don’t make some grand romantic gesture (flowers, chocolates, expensive dinner, great sex) then something is wrong with you or your relationship. That type of thinking is just wrong! Good relationships aren’t based on grand gestures – they’re based on connection. Romance and passion are fun and even necessary for a connected relationship, but you can’t wait for Valentine’s Day to force it.

Instead, find romantic ways to connect with your partner on a day-in, day-out basis – as just another part of life. This can be doing things like:

  • Cuddling for no reason at all
  • Drawing a relaxing bath for your husband, and then joining him if he likes
  • Reading together on the couch
  • Talking and dreaming about the future
  • Cooking your wife’s favorite meal, just because
  • Setting aside enough time for sex so that it can be about sensuality, connection, AND pleasure
  • Bringing home treats you know your girlfriend loves
  • Doing whatever small things you know makes your partner feel loved, special or cared about

When couples frequently connect, a holiday like Valentine’s Day can almost seem silly. What’s the need for proving your love on this particular day when you already know it’s there? I recommend you take the long view approach to romance and connection. Learn how to trust in your partner. Avoid the crowds on Valentine’s Day and instead, buy your favorite takeout, snuggle in front of a romantic movie, and go to bed early for some no-pressure sexual connection (or not :))!

Have you ever felt pressure on Valentine’s Day or other times to “do what you’re supposed to” in your relationship? You’re not alone. There’s no one right answer to being happy, but if you have questions or need support in these areas please contact us or schedule an appointment today. We’d love to speak with you!