- “Aaaaaaaaa! I’m late!”
- “I wish I had more time.”
- “This is taking FOREVER!”
- “It felt like I was just 20 – now I’m 40!”
- “Hurry up!”
- “I can’t – I don’t have enough time.”
- “Why can’t we ever seem to find enough time to spend together?”
- “Where has my life gone?”
Often time drags on in the most agonizing way, yet most of us don’t feel like we have enough of it. Time is frequently a major issue in relationships as all intimate relationships require people to spend meaningful time together. This is obviously difficult in our society when we all have multiple responsibilities pulling on us in different directions: work, children, family, household, friends, church, etc. This doesn’t even include those necessary individual activities we all need (like exercise, hobbies, hanging out with friends) to make us happy!
It’s no wonder it feels hard to carve out space to connect genuinely with people you care deeply about – how can we do that when we’re constantly running around from one activity to the next, putting out one fire after another? It no doubt takes effort.
In long-term romantic relationships, it is essential to change how you view time spent together. Many couples get into a black/white mentality where they are only feeling close with each other when they are alone (such as on a date or in the bedroom) and the remainder of the time their interactions, while not necessarily unkind or negative, are more business-like.
I’m going to suggest that intimacy can happen in smaller moments, shorter periods of time, and in different ways than more obviously “romantic” time. This could include things like:
- Snuggling on the couch together while watching TV
- Reading together in bed
- Having a short but meaningful conversation about your day
- Going for a walk/hike/bike ride together
- Doing a fun family activity together
- Jointly choosing a shared activity (different than “date night”)
- Spending time with friends together
The list could obviously go on and on. One important aspect of spending intimate time in these smaller ways, however, is to be conscious about it. You need to acknowledge between the two of you that you are TOGETHER, and that you are doing it because it is good for your relationship!
The Salt Lake Relationship Center specializes in helping couples develop the best methods for connecting, including finding time to focus on what is most important in their relationships. Schedule an appointment today with one of our therapists or contact us with further questions. We look forward to speaking with you!